Counseling
for Cary, Apex, Morrisville & Raleigh, NC by Bryce Kaye, PhD.
Author of
In an old Greek myth, a host named Procrustes had a peculiar fetish for making his guests fit their bed at night. Instead of trying to "fit" a person’s needs into one school of therapy, I do my best to make sure my therapeutic approach fits a person’s needs. While my techniques are varied, my style does lean in one direction. I have a reputation for being extremely active and direct in the form of an "active advocacy". Many clients have found themselves dissatisfied with prior therapists who have merely been passive and emotionally supportive. My style is more ambitious. The first thing I do is to help the person clarify goals and get an agreement about what we are trying to accomplish. From then on, I direct focus and energy toward whatever will be most helpful toward reaching those goals. Very often, a person’s history is relevant in understanding how certain emotions or beliefs became conditioned to their current state. However, I find that insight and understanding alone are usually insufficient to produce most emotional changes. To bring about changes in emotion or emotionally determined behavior, a well-designed plan of intervention is necessary. When I make recommendations for a course of intervention, I always explain the principles of psychology and emotion behind it.
In the course of therapy, I do a fair amount of personalized teaching. One way that I do rely on insight is to teach a person how to influence their emotions. Our emotions follow a somewhat different set of rules than ordinary behavior. Usually, we can immediately choose how we want to behave. With emotions, we can’t. Our feelings are learned in a different way than what we think of as ordinary learning. We learn to feel certain ways through either powerful or repetitive emotional experience. The technical term is called "conditioning." My style of therapy has been influenced by my years of study of psychophysiology and how emotions are “conditioned.” My theoretical orientation incorporates Soviet research on perception and conditioned reflexes as well as western research on the brain circuitry of attention, perception, emotions and learning. I have found that while our emotional conditioning can’t be immediately changed, it can be gradually altered if we learn to use the correct tools. In very effective therapy, these tools are employed and people make dramatic changes in their feelings. So the paradox is this: feelings can be changed but you just need to learn some new rules about how to influence them without trying to control them.
The following chapters from my upcoming book will give you a good orientation to what's really going on in relationships. Print them out for easier reading.
Chapter 1 - The Great "No No"
This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to improve an intimate relationship.
Chapter 2 - The Structure of Vital Relationships
Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. This chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.
Chapter 3 - Balance and Paradox
A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.
Chapter 4 - Nurturing Healthy Attachments
Relationships must be fed. It’s not enough just to feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.
Chapter 5 - Love's HiddenAssassin
A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection.
Chapter 6 - The Other Usual Suspects
This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.
Chapter 7 - Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self
If you’re starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that’s going dormant.
Chapter 8 - Defending Autonomy
This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.
A collection of self-help tools
that I've written for couples
The following are some of the kinds of therapy that I do. Click on any topic for a more in-depth description of how I approach it.
Marriage counseling and relationship therapy (Click Here)
Adjustment counseling & stress management (Click Here)
Healing emotional wounds (trauma resolution) (Click Here)
Raising self-esteem and reducing self-defeating shame (Click Here)
Anger management & assertiveness training (Click Here)
Reciprocal Suppression in the Anterior Cingulate Cortex - A very technical article about the probable underlying neurology of EMDR treatment
Conflict Inoculation - A technical article I'm writing about a new type of treatment for rage behavior or conflict avoidance
Interactive Cognitive Motor Interweaves - A scientific paper currently being written relative to EMDR
Here are some open forum discussions I've had with people who asked questions on my internet Marriage First Aid Kit. Choose your topic of interest below:
The following are some of my writings that you might find interesting:
Intimacy & Boundaries Series (Articles)
In 1984, Dr. Kaye started Cary Counseling Center which later became incorporated under the name Allied Psychological Services, PA in 1992. He has had years of experience in performing individual psychotherapy, marriage counseling, group therapy and other forms of psychotherapy. He is also a trained and certified EMDR therapist, having received certification by the EMDR International Association. Dr. Kaye is currently the director of Cary and Oriental Counseling Centers..
If You’re Interested
If you want to explore the possibility of therapy with me, I usually recommend one session and then you can go home and think about it. One session is usually enough time for me to give you feedback about a recommended direction and strategy. To schedule a meeting time, in the triangle call 919-467-1180. If you want me to see you at Oriental Counseling Center, call me at 252-249-3099.