CONTENTS

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Contents

Introduction

Just a few words about how and why I wrote this book.

Chapter 1 - The Great "No No"

This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to improve an intimate relationship.

Chapter 2 - The Structure of Vital Relationships

Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. This chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.

Chapter 3 - Balance and Paradox

A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.

Chapter 4 - Nurturing Healthy Attachments

Relationships must be fed. It’s not enough just to feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.

Chapter 5 - Love's Hidden Assassin

A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection.

The remaining Chapters are available only in the published book.

Chapter 6 - The Other Usual Suspects

This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.

Chapter 7 - Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self

If you’re starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that’s going dormant.

Chapter 8 - Defending Autonomy

This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.

Chapter 9 - Managing Conflict

This chapter describes different types of constructive and destructive conflict. Strategies are outlined for managing each.

Chapter 10 - Sharing Power and Authority

This chapter provides some useful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws.

Chapter 11 - Great Sex!

This chapter describes psychological elements of great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.

Chapter 12 - Mapping Your Strategy

This chapter discusses how to plan for change.

Chapter 13 - Conclusion

Addendum: Message to a Daughter

Intimacy & Boundaries (Articles by Dr. Kaye)

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