How I practice therapy
Ellen Gray
Often clients and potential clients have questions about therapy that they are reluctant to ask, and sometimes these can cause misunderstandings as therapy progresses. If you have been in therapy before, most of my procedures will be familiar to you, but if you have not, or if you have worked with a therapist who practices differently from me, the following information should be helpful. Therapists do not all work the same way with their patients or clients. The differences between them are what accounts for the fact that everyone will "fit" better with some therapists than others. As a potential client you have a right and an obligation to assess whether you and a professional you are considering working with are a "good fit." So I would like to tell you a little bit about how I work to help you make that determination. Of course, a trial period will tell you even more.
Florida Scott-Maxwell, writer, suffragist and Jungian psychologist, at the age of 84 said, "You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality." Scott-Maxwell was not talking about psychotherapy, but about taking charge of one's life, and about the possibility for renewal. But I think these concepts capture well my approach to therapy. Claiming one's life events is a process of examination and assigning meaning to these events. Although this project can be enriching for anyone, it is usually not undertaken for its own sake, but to solve some problem or assuage some significant discomfort. It can encompass short-term treatment to work through an acute crisis like a death of a loved one or a divorce or occupational setback, as well as a more open-ended reinvention of the self during a life transition, or reevaluation of an earlier traumatic event.
My general approach to therapy is both cognitive/behavioral and psychodynamic. The first designation refers to a theory and technique that holds that how we think about things greatly affects how we feel about them. That may seem obvious on the face of it, but we are not always aware of the messages we are giving ourselves, and how these are creating our reality. Making these messages conscious and then working to change them into messages that are more conducive to reaching our goals can be a powerful technique in solving problems and finding self-fulfillment. The second designation, "psychodynamic," sounds more imposing than perhaps it needs to. This term simply refers to an approach to human behavior that follows certain principles. Knowing these principles helps to unravel why we don't always behave the way we think we want to. If all behavior is purposive (one of the psychodynamic principles I am referring to), then looking to find the hidden "payoff' for seemingly undesirable behavior will help to reverse it, if that is your goal.
This is a good time to make it clear that the goals of therapy if you are working with me, will be yours, not mine. We will determine them together, but it would never work for me to impose therapy goals on you. This is not to say, once we agree on what you would like to work on, that I will shrink from giving you my opinion or telling you when I think you are "working against yourself" But I don't "fix" people. Therapy will be hard work for you, but should be rewarding work. It is exciting and gratifying for me and for my clients when evidence of change and a sense of renewal begins to dawn.My approach to therapy is grounded in my experience, both clinical and academic. As a social worker, I view a person's environment as critical to their emotional state. Many clients come to me having suffered tremendous pain and indignity. They are overwhelmed with the unfairness and injustice. In truth, the world is not always fair, but we all have the right and the opportunity to change our own lives. We do this by using the occasions for healing that present themselves to us. First we have to recognize these opportunities, which often come masked as negative experiences. Sometimes we need support and guidance to jump-start that recognition. Therapy and counseling can provide this, but one of the most important aspects of the therapeutic alliance is for the client to feel that the therapist has a genuine understanding of what life is like for them. While I have not suffered personally from most of the events my clients have endured, I have worked for many years with family violence, sexual assault and human exploitation. These experiences gave me knowledge that has deepened my compassion and convinced me of the universality of human experience; as well as teaching me how to use outside resources to my clients' benefit. I know change is possible for anyone, and I know how hard it can be to make a change. But I believe that the act of speaking the truth to someone who can truly hear holds great promise for making that change. Therapy can provide this opportunity.
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