Intimacy & Boundaries

Bryce Kaye, Ph.D. writes about intimacy and boundaries in marriage

Intimacy depends on healthy boundaries !

– Bryce Kaye

Most people make the mistake of thinking that a personal boundary is something that you “set.”   It’s common to hear someone say they “set a boundary” and stood up for him/herself.   This is an  erroneous belief.  You don’t have to put on a big display to have boundaries

I’ts better to think that what you “set” is really a limit.  That’s your observable behavior.  On the other hand, your boundary is really what you intuitivel FEEL.  It’s intuitive and interna.  The  intuitive sense of your deservingness can actually protect you,  It’s difficult to shame you if you feel deserving.  If you feel deserving then your sense of safety will let you communicate more intimately. It’s an unconscious paradox.  Strong INTERNAL boundaries give you the unconscious safety that allows you to take the risk of getting close.  It’s wierd but true!

There’s one more thing that you should know about boundaries:  They’re really composed of internal connections.  The stronger you connect to an internal frame of meaning then the more secure you will feel in an intimate relationship.

Here are some other articles I’ve written about the paradoxical balancing of needs for both intimacy and personal boundaries in close relationships

Anger – The Misunderstood Emotion

When Empathy Becomes Codependence

Beyond Equality

All in the Name of Honesty

Misguided Hope

Rethinking Intimacy

What About This Business of Falling in Love?

Wise Mistakes

Our Most Cherished Myths About Love

The Art of Negotiating For Space

The Paradox of Being Human

Letting Go of Harmful Relationships

When Trust is Not Enough


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